“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep,”1 Romans 12:15. Very little has the capacity to bring believers together like celebrating with those who are rejoicing and weeping with those who are suffering. This is also true for parents and teens. Moments when your teen suffer, present an incredible opportunity for Christian parents to help their teens understand what God is doing through their suffering.
I recently wrote a post on the topic of suffering and I almost included a section on parenting in suffering, but I decided this was best served with its own post. If you are interested in reading the original post, you can find it here. Both of these posts were inspired by a song I have embedded at the bottom of this post. I hope you will take a second to listen to the song before you continue.
In my last post, I really focused on a simple question, “Is God enough?” In this post, I would like to consider how parents teach their kids to answer this question well. How do parents teach their teens that God is ultimately all they need? Specifically, how do parents teach their kids that God is all they need through heartbreak and suffering?
First, teach them an eternal perspective.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says, “17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”2
Notice what these verses teach us about our affliction. It is light. Our affliction is a light burden in the weight of glory. With an eternal, gospel perspective, we learn that our burden is light. It is also transient. This is simply means that it is short-lived. Our sufferings, our afflictions are short-lived. You must teach your kids this through scriptures like the one above. You must teach your kids this truth through conversations about things that might and will happen in the future and begin giving them this eternal perspective ahead of time. And you must teach it through example. When appropriate share your own suffering with them and show them your own eternal perspective.
Your teen will fail at this… so will you for that matter, but it will be harder for your teen. The younger you are, the more challenging the concept of eternity will be to grasp. It is easy to forget the eternal perspective we are given in our rebirth in Christ. When they forget, gently move their heart back towards this divine perspective.
Second, teach them the purpose of suffering.
Suffering is going to happen and it does have a purpose. John Piper says that “every millisecond” of your suffering is meaningful. According to scripture, the purpose of suffering is to teach us endurance. (See Romans 5:3-5.) It is in our suffering where God asks each of us the question, “Am I enough?” God’s answer to Paul when he asks God to remove some of his own suffering is, “my grace is sufficient for you.” (See 2 Corinthians 12:9.)
My grace is sufficient for you! You don’t need me to remove this suffering from you, you have my grace and in my grace my very presence. You have a relationship with me. And that, is enough. I (God) am enough. The world would have you teach your teen that they themselves are enough. They are not. You are not. I am not. But Jesus is enough. Even in our suffering, Jesus is enough. No matter the heartbreak, Jesus is enough. No matter the suffering, Jesus is enough.
Your teen will be brokenhearted at some point. It can come from family loss, from friend betrayal, from social challenges, from missing a goal or dream, or any number of other places. If your teen is a Christian (or human), they will suffer, I know this because the Word of God the word of God tells me all believers will suffer. (See John 16:33.)
The instinct of parents is going to be to remove them from and protect them from as much suffering as possible. If kids are mean, remove them from the situation. If they don’t make the team, find another team they can be on. If they don’t make the grade, change schools. Protecting your teens is not bad, teaching them that they don’t have to suffer is bad, because suffering is part of the Christian life.
Finding that line is a challenge you will be wrestling with your entire time as a parent. It is important not to remove all suffering, or to try to, but to walk with them through suffering and to teach them its purpose. When they suffer it is important that you teach them to answer, “God you are enough for me.” Suffering refines our heart and our priorities. It produces believers who value God’s grace above all else and your teen NEEDS that work in their lives as much as you.
Third, teach it will always be unfinished.
This is not something you only do in the moment. If you try to force in an eternal perspective in the midst of suffering without a firm foundation, it will just frustrate their suffering. Parents will need to teach this eternal perspective throughout life, not just in the moment. If you try to teach the purpose of suffering only in the midst of suffering your message will get lost in the pain.
You will have to use your words and your life to teach your teen an eternal perspective that understands the purpose of affliction. You will have to teach them scripture that relates to this. You will have to talk to them about this in your own life. And you will have to show this to them both in your own suffering and in their suffering.
- The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Ro 12:15. ↩︎
- The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), 2 Co 4:17–18. ↩︎
John-David 
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