John-David

Over the past few years, we’ve all become far too familiar with how fast viruses can spread. Just five years ago, the world was grappling with the concept of viral transmission in ways we never imagined. Terms like “R0” (or “R naught”)—the mathematical measure of how contagious a disease is—became part of our everyday vocabulary. For perspective, the common cold has an R0 of 2–3, while measles ranks much higher at 12–18. In simple terms: measles spreads like wildfire.¹

The term “viral” is no longer limited to the biological realm. It has expanded to the emotional and social—and gossip can certainly go viral.

Rumors act like emotional pathogens. They infect relationships, disrupt trust, and spread through communities with alarming ease. If we could assign an R0 to gossip, how would it be calculated? The more scandalous the story, the higher its transmission rate. The more connected the individuals involved—whether through social circles or social media—the faster the spread. A rumor whispered between friends may stay small, but a rumor posted online can span social groups in seconds.

We’ve all played a part in this cycle. At some point, we’ve all passed on a juicy tidbit, listened a little too closely, or even—perhaps unknowingly—been patient zero. While I do think we each probably need to prayerfully reflect on what we’ve said lately and to whom, that is not the purpose of this post. Instead, it’s about starting a conversation: how do we teach the next generation to deal with gossip in a world where it spreads faster than ever?

In this first post, I want to focus on a scenario we often overlook—how to help our kids when they become the target of gossip. This topic was inspired by a recent news story that caught my attention. You don’t need to watch the accompanying video to follow along, but I encourage you to check it out—it’s a powerful jumping-off point for a much-needed conversation.

Over the past few years, we’ve all become far too familiar with how fast viruses can spread. Just five years ago, the world was grappling with the concept of viral transmission in ways we never imagined. Terms like “R0” (or “R naught”)—the mathematical measure of how contagious a disease is—became part of our everyday vocabulary. For perspective, the common cold has an R0 of 2–3, while measles ranks much higher at 12–18. In simple terms: measles spreads like wildfire.

The term “viral” is no longer limited to the biological realm. It has expanded to the emotional and social—and gossip can certainly go viral.

Rumors act like emotional pathogens. They infect relationships, disrupt trust, and spread through communities with alarming ease. If we could assign an R0 to gossip, how would it be calculated? The more scandalous the story, the higher its transmission rate. The more connected the individuals involved—whether through social circles or social media—the faster the spread. A rumor whispered between friends may stay small, but a rumor posted online can span social groups in seconds.

We’ve all played a part in this cycle. At some point, we’ve all passed on a juicy tidbit, listened a little too closely, or even—perhaps unknowingly—been patient zero. While I do think we each probably need to prayerfully reflect on what we’ve said lately and to whom, that is not the purpose of this post. Instead, it’s about starting a conversation: how do we teach the next generation to deal with gossip in a world where it spreads faster than ever?

In this first post, I want to focus on a scenario we often overlook—how to help our kids when they become the target of gossip. This topic was inspired by a recent news story that caught my attention. You don’t need to watch the accompanying video to follow along, but I encourage you to check it out—it’s a powerful jumping-off point for a much-needed conversation.

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”²

Proverbs 22:6 is one of the most well-known verses—and prayers—among parents. Every parent hopes that they instill values and principles in their children that will set them on the “right path.” Opinions on the “right path” may vary, but the desire for our children to flourish and walk wisely is universal. If you are a Christian, you should believe that there is one right path that is determined by God.

Training our kids in the way they should go means equipping them to face the temptations and challenges of life with tools and values given to us in scripture. One of those challenges, especially in today’s hyper-connected world, is gossip.

So… how do we teach our kids to handle being the victims of gossip?

Let’s begin by acknowledging that being the target of gossip is rarely a painless experience. While it might not happen on a national or global scale like it did in the video referenced above, it can still hurt deeply. It’s okay for your child to be heartbroken when someone spreads rumors about them.

David himself wrestled with the pain of deceit in Psalm 12:

¹           Help, LORD, for the godly are no more;

the faithful have vanished from among men.

²           Everyone lies to his neighbor;

their flattering lips speak with deception.

³           May the LORD cut off all flattering lips

and every boastful tongue

⁴           that says, “We will triumph with our tongues;

we own our lips—who is our master?”³

Even David cried out for help when people lied about or to him. Your child will inevitably face this at some point, and it’s important to affirm that it’s okay to feel pain in those moments. But how do we teach them to handle it in the midst of their pain?

First, teach them to turn to God.

While it’s important to understand their feelings, we also need to guide (train, Prov. 22:6) them in how to move forward—and that starts with crying out to God. When your child is hurting, teach them to bring their pain to the Lord.

I recently wrote an article on escapism, and if you haven’t read it, I encourage you to check it out. One common response to emotional distress is to escape into distractions—a show, a game, a hobby. Your teen or kid may try this, too.

But as parents, you must help your children learn how to bring their burdens to God. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”⁴ Teach them the habit of leaning on the Lord and remind them that they God we pray to, cares deeply for them personally. Philippians 4:4–7 promises that those who “present their requests to God” will receive a peace that guards their hearts and minds. God grieves when our children grieve. Let’s show them the comfort of a God who truly cares and give them the pattern for receiving his loving and guarding peace.

Second, teach them to rely on godly friends and adults.

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 emphasizes the strength found in community:

⁹           Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:

¹⁰         If one falls down,

his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls

and has no one to help him up!

¹¹         Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

¹²         Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.⁵

It is so important that we teach our kids how to find support in others. Friends, family, and mentors are so important to processing what is happening to us. However, you must teach your child to navigate this wisely. Seeking support must not turn into gossip itself. If they’re looking for revenge or validation, they’ve crossed into the same sin. But if they’re seeking support, healing, and accountability, they’re walking wisely.

Third, teach them the pattern biblical confrontation.

Sometimes, the best response is to let it go. But at other times, the health of relationships or a community requires confrontation. The Bible gives us a model for this in Matthew 18:15–17:

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.⁶

The first step in this pattern of biblical confrontation is one-on-one confrontation. This is hard. One-on-one confrontation is awkward and makes us vulnerable. Personally, I know that in one-on-one confrontation there is a very good chance that the other person or God is going to reveal sin in my own attitude or actions. This may happen for you or your child too—and that’s part of the challenge. 

Confrontation requires courage, humility, patience, and love. You will need to help your child push past the fear of awkwardness and broken relationships and teach them to pursue truth with grace. If we skip or let our kids skip the one-on-one part of the process, then some of the opportunity that God is giving us in this biblical process will be missed as will some of the reward.

The second step in this pattern is taking along one or two others. For younger kids, this process often involves parents, teachers, or youth leaders. As they mature, they’ll need to learn how to engage peers directly. This includes learning how to share their story without gossiping, and how to communicate clearly about the steps they’ve already taken toward reconciliation.

Only after these first steps do we take the third, treating them as one apart. I think it is interesting Jesus chose, “pagan and tax collector” as his example of how to treat people who still refuse to be reconciled. Matthew 9:9-13 tell us exactly how Jesus believed these people should be treated. When asked why he would dine with such people, Jesus responds: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ¹³ But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”⁷

Matthew 9 obviously precedes Matthew 18; Jesus knew what he was doing. He was telling his followers, if someone refuse to be reconciled then treat them as one who needs first to hear the gospel. It is the very author of these passages, Matthew the tax collector, who Jesus loved enough to dine with that day in Matthew 9. Do you not believe that Matthew knew exactly what Jesus had done for him when he told his followers to treat them as a tax collector in Matthew 18?

In our digital age, the challenge grows or at least is transformed: what if the gossip takes place on social media? What if public damage has already been done?

Even so, I don’t see an exception in Matthew 18 for online offenses. The command to confront privately first still stands. It doesn’t say, “go public if they went public first.” It calls us to integrity—even when it’s inconvenient and hard.

Mary Kate’s story, shared in the video, is an extreme example. The rumor about her was broadcast so publicly and by people so far removed from her life that it’s unlikely she ever had the chance to take that first biblical step. I can’t imagine what a one-on-one with The Pat McAfee Show would even look like. We must put forth every effort and take every possible path to steps one and two before we move on to step three. For most of us—and for our kids—the path forward will be more open than it was in this story, and the steps we are called to take are found in God’s Word.

Before I wrap up, I want to be clear: I have no idea what steps Mary Kate or her friends and family may have taken behind the scenes prior to the release of this news story. I don’t know what happened privately. This story inspired this post—it is not a critique of her attitude or actions. For all I know, she may have handled the situation in complete alignment with the principles found in Matthew 18. The only details I know for certain are those shared in the video above. Based on that alone, my heart breaks for her and what she endured. I hope her experience can serve as a starting point for meaningful conversations between parents and teens about how to deal with gossip and rumors. This post is simply meant to provide a framework for that conversation.

Teaching our children to follow the guidance of Matthew 18 is one of the most powerful ways we can equip them to handle gossip and conflict with grace and wisdom. Instilling in them the habit of leaning on God first and foremost provides the only truly reliable foundation for moving forward in these situations. And helping them navigate the support of their friends through a biblical lens is the key to stopping the spread of gossip and starting the process of healing.

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1. What is R0? https://www.news-medical.net/health/What-is-R0.aspx ↩︎
2. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Pr 22:6. ↩︎
3. ^[1] The Holy Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984), Ps 12:1–4. ↩︎
4. The Holy Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984), 1 Pt 5:7. ↩︎
5. The Holy Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984), Ec 4:9-12. ↩︎
6. The Holy Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984), Mt 8:15-17. ↩︎
7. The Holy Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984), Mt 9:12–13. ↩︎